A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
