walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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