I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
