My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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