after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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