she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
