so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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