ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
