Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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