I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
