Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
