Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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