He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
