remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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