the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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