I just pynch a tree in the face
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
