But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
