Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
