Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
