I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
