I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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