I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
