thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
