I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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