ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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