he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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