I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
