I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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