dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
