I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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