i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
