Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
