Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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