friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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