im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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