At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
