What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
