butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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