Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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