dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
