My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
