do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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