So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
