I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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