Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
