dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
