Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your like the ambassador to my penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
