I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
