I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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