This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
