This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
