Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
