how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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